As you are inside the society, no matter you lived in an urban or suburbs, you couldn’t avoid being social with others. Life is full of opportunities and unforeseen events, make some friends may help you when something happens.
Assume you see 200 people a day, you have at least 70 years of lifetime, in that way, you approximately will see 5 million people in your life.
Suppose you may encounter a person a day, those who would be your friend, you approximately will encounter 25,000 friends in your life.
That’s not said that you have 25,000 bestfriends, the number told you that you will have a chance to make friends with them. Normally they are your neighborhood, schoolmate, colleague.
Moreover, not all friends are equal, your social world might include bad friends, hi-bye friends, casual friends, best friends, and so on. You are probably without that much time and energy to concern all of them.
You can hang out with friends about 16 hours a day if only deduct the time to sleep around 8 hours a day. Those times merely can help you build a deep relationship with several friends.
Also some friends you haven’t contact for a long time, the relationship between you will become weak even disappear, that’s gain and loss.
Therefore, it’s important to know how to treat friends within a limited time. You are impossible to treat all friends like the same, you should use the time to treat with whom important to you, instead of dispensable friends.
You should have your purpose to make friends, you may deny this statement, but we actually get something for them such as pleasure, reputation, money, substance, information, help, and so on.
For sure, you may probably ignore what your friend gives you, for example, your friend helps you write homework, your friend tells you the answer of something, your friend pays for you, you are in friend with benefit, and so on.
Accordingly, you should thank someone for being a friend with you if you always get something from them. As well as they bring you that much value, have you bring the same value to them?
In fact, your friends haven’t any obligation to help you if you can’t bring the same value or benefit to them. The one-side ask for without balance, finally will let them leave you after the patience exhaust.
People said that no one wants to befriend with them whatever weak ties friends or strong ties friends, then you should ask yourself what you can bring to your friends.
Most people like to make friends with a beautiful girl and handsome boy because they can get a reputation. As the same, people like to make friends with riches because they can get real benefits like money for riches.
You absolutely will complain that’s not fair, why someone can enjoy the good social treatment because they born at a good family, however, this is the realization.
For a better life in society, know how to observe the people around you, then filter the people who could be beneficial for you, you should know three tips about socialization.
When I was in college, I met a classmate who was particularly passionate about all forms of socializing. You will always see his footprint on campus even anywhere.
When he was walking around the college, say hi and bye to almost everyone would be the normal action for him.
He enjoys boasting in front of me and other friends about his sociability. Sometimes, we laugh at him secretly, by the way, these weak ties friendship would be useful if you have the ability to handle it.
As well as the graduation is coming, everyone focuses on the final exam and thesis, most people will want to get a good result at the end of university, however, he still passionate about social not the exam or thesis.
Finally, those who befriend him during the university periods, no one bothers to contact him after graduating. Because he never provides useful value to others, and always asked help.
At that time, I realize:
Who you know is not important, who knows you is important.
Sometimes you have great expectations for someone, but he/she won’t care about linking with you at all.
That’s why, you have a contact list such as smarter, businessman, celebrity, and so on, but most of them have little effect on you.
Moreover, you spend a lot of time socializing, the outcome may not reach your expectation, because most of your effort is useless.
Even people know that most social relationships are useless, they still passionately. Because they don’t realize that there are benefits of relationships in society.
Without purpose to develop a social relationship, it doesn’t make any sense. You may invest a lot within the socialization, but the outcome wouldn’t that you think.
People just think that will get something if more people they know. In fact, how many people will help you selflessly when you encounter problems?
For example, I am the manager of a performance company, I heard that your daughter has just won the championship in a major international piano competition, then I may want to invite your daughter to join us.
I don’t need to know you. Whoever wins the championship, I will contact whoever. I don’t even care about your values, I only care how much money you can earn for the company.
You can attract more people if you own better exchangeable value, also the more people willing to deal with you. Even if you’re down for a while, there will be more people willing to help you.
In short, your exchangeable value is greater, the social range will be greater.
So, according to what we said, building up your own values and enhance them is the first step in establishing an effective relationship between you and others.
The value can be professional or something else, there without rules to restrict it, it depends on how you define and usage. Helpful and beneficial to others are the main point.
Know how to flexible use your social network also can be an exchangeable value, which means that you can become a node in a network of relationships and be able to introduce people who are valuable to each other.
This kind of social is true peer-to-peer cooperation. You get something you want from others, and they are.
Finally, when you know someone, it just means that someone else is valuable to you. But they don’t know you at all because you have no value to them.
In this case, instead of spending so much time fawn someone, it is better to do something that can develop your value. If you carefully observe, you will know:
People always rushing to be friends with really powerful people.
The Wall Street financial has a social valuation theory:
To evaluate a person’s business value, you only need to calculate the average of the five closest people around that person, then you will know.
If the friends around you are all talented, have their expertise and specialties. Once you connect with them, influence each other, which will naturally increase your personal valuation.
But friends around you who are idle, the gathering is only drinking, smoking, or bragging. It is conceivable that they may not help your personal growth.
A person’s social assets largely determine your personal valuation, specifically, according to the following 3 types of social assets accumulation:
We may not buy an item because of an advertisement recommendation. You know that many of these recommendations come from friends on social media like Instagram or Facebook. Also can come from an influencer.
Many online communities are the place of consumption. For example, travel, health, cosmetics and etc., can easily become the tags of some communities.
Therefore, your influence in the community is your value. If necessary, you can focus on a certain field, build your personal influence in this field with strong expertise, gain your loyal fans and audience.
You may know that the mid/high-end recruitment of companies is mostly introduced by acquaintances.
For example, companies recruit product managers, the executives will send the information to their friends first. A friend who was interested and has enough ability, he/she will be pulled into a chat group, then doing a more deeply interview.
This acquaintance model is important. Because of many emerging fields and positions, which you don’t know too much, you have to rely on people you trust to help you.
So, it is better to communicate with professional colleagues about business interoperability than to find someone to drink and brag to.
In most investment banking teams or securities asset management teams, the boss basically does not need to do anything.
He/She only needs to decide the general situation of the project through social, and the rest is left to the subordinates to complete. But he/she will have high returns of dividends every year.
So that’s why so many people are desperate to know top leaders in various fields.
After you have completed the first phase of personal capacity accumulation and improvement, you need to consider how to carry out the second phase of personal social asset accumulation, such as:
How to increase personal influence in the professional field?
How to use your work to gain recognition from colleagues in the workplace?
How to maximize your irreplaceability in the workplace through your personal capabilities?
Most of the time, purposeful accumulation social is always better than brainless socialization.
A young man asked a celebrity that how can you become a friend with others.
The celebrity said that what can you do for me if befriend.
The man replied that I can help you pack a bag and sweep the floor.
Whoever needs you to pack and sweep the floor, hire a worker who may better than you. So, it’s hard to befriend someone if you can’t get something you want from them.
You may see people who are passionate to build relationships and link with various moguls. That’s not bad things, but you have thought about it:
After you add someone else’s Whatsapp or Facebook, how do you carry out the next effective social interaction? Or just make your address book more good-looking?
You should know what you can bring to others, the exchangeability coefficient you have, the more people will want to socialize with you.
And You have to understand that if you are lack exchangeable value, all social is useless.
So how to increase your exchangeable value?
Again, ensure you can bring direct/indirect value and benefits to others.
For example, a successful businessman once talk with others that the secret about his success, because he can make others more profitable than himself, therefore, most people want to do business with him
When you help someone, someone may owe you a debt of gratitude, then you get a social deposit. A social deposit is an intangible asset, it can be useful also useless, all depending on the deposit target and how your usage.
Once you get the deposit, you can withdrawal anytime you want and the requite can be in any way. A deposit not necessarily can withdrawal, it depends on the person you help, how creditworthiness he/she is?
Moreover, you can owe someone first to get help, withdrawal with no deposit, that’s what most people do.
These people only know to withdraw, and they don’t deposit anyway. They only know how to satisfy their needs, but never provide their own exchange value.
Especially, they don’t care about you, however, when they need help at a moment, they will first find you, you should reject and leave these unequal social relationships.
For a new social relationship, you should be altruistic if you want to get people’s trust. Of course, the balance of deposit and withdrawal also important, so you can reciprocal with each other.
The so-called perfect socialization is to continuously enhance your exchangeable value and integrate your social assets. Being altruistic in every little social event is the most valuable manifestation of your communication.
This is the social truth you have to admit:
Only when you are valuable, your social will be valuable.
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